“…I don’t need constant praise, but I need something, otherwise why bother? What’s the point of trying so hard?” my client explained over a skim mocha. “Other people do half as much as me and they seem happy, maybe I should just be more like them”.
She wasn’t being dramatic. She’s a high-achieving committed team member (the kind most leaders dream of) and she was on the brink of giving up, scaling back and stripping her output to the bare minimum.
And honestly? I understood.
I had similar thoughts years ago in a team where feedback was annual and vague.
The problem with her proposed solution? It wouldn’t align with her truth.
She loves her job, she loves the work, she is naturally very motivated and has big career goals. So, taking a step back and doing the bare minimum might protect her feelings in the short term, but in the long run? It would further crush her sense of fulfilment, not help it.
So we did the deeper work, I asked:
What does appreciation actually look like for you?
(Spoiler: salary had nothing to do with it)
For leaders:
This got me thinking about leadership. The current model for showing appreciation is an annual salary increase, sometimes alongside a fancier title.
For most people this spikes motivation, but the pay rise high fades by September.
And what follows is familiar:
A disempowered slump with lower motivation and diminished output.
(The exact thing leaders are trying to avoid)
How can I avoid the disempowered slump you ask?
A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work.
There are so many ways you can keep a team member engaged by showing them you appreciate their contributions. But, each person on your team has different priorities, motivators, and values.
So, what’s the best way to show appreciation?
Find out what’s meaningful to them.
How?
Ask questions, actively listen.
For team members:
If you’re a team member, it’s your job to figure this out for yourself.
When I asked my client, “What do you need from your boss to know you’re appreciated?”
She paused. Then admitted:
“I’ve never thought about that before”
You see, we’re not really taught to advocate for ourselves and voice our needs. So, we never spend time reflecting on what those needs are.
But the only person who can figure this out for you is you.
The truth is…
It’s fair to expect your boss to be open to this conversation.
It’s not fair to expect them to read your mind.
And let’s be honest, not every team is led by someone with high EQ and deep self-awareness. If you’ve got a manager who barely checks in, it’s frustrating.
If you fall into this category,
Yes, you’re allowed to be frustrated,
No, you can’t use it as an excuse to stay in the “complain-zone” forever.
Have your whinge (I’m all for a good whinge) then do the reflection, work out what appreciation looks like for you and have the conversation.
Because the alternative is slow burnout and you deserve better than that.
🎧 I unpack this further in this week’s podcast episode:
If this topic resonates with you, listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
If you’re having trouble figuring out what appreciation looks like to you - I get it.
It’s hard, especially if this is the first time you’ve really thought about this.
Start here: Download the 5 Workplace Appreciation Languages Guide.
This covers the main themes and it’s a great starting place for you to find clarity.
Remember, feeling unappreciated doesn’t always mean you’re not valued.
But it often means the people around you don’t know what appreciation looks like to you.
Until next time, do the reflection, get clear on what appreciation looks like for you and have the honest conversation.
Because you deserve to be recognised for the value you bring.
– Nat
PS Let me know which appreciation style resonates with you. Reply to this email, I’d love to know! Mine are Support Through Action and Time & Attention. I also wouldn't say no to a client lunch from time to time... 😏
PPS If you’re thinking “there’s no way I could have this conversation with my boss”?
Book a free call - I’ll help you unpack it.
Book here - (make a note that the call is about workplace appreciation)
