If I had a dollar for every time I thought to myself:
“What will [person] think about [thing I’ve done]?”
I’d be a billionaire by now.
In the early days of my career, I over-analysed everything anyone said to me. A day in the life of Nat looked like:
- Re-reading emails before clicking send
- Playing back conversations in my head
- Imagining increasingly worse scenarios just to make sure I covered all bases
I would even psych myself out of conversations ahead of time. At my first major networking event years ago, I found myself standing in front of a senior architect, mind completely blank after he’d opened with a basic networking conversation starter “so what have you been working on?”
Undoubtedly one of the most embarrassing moments of my professional life.
I see it with new clients too:
- He would have thought I was so incapable
- I bet she’s angry with me about this
- I’m sure they all thought “Why is she here?”
Hidden beneath these thoughts?
The deeper questions of… Am I good enough? and Do I belong here?
This is heavy stuff, and it makes you question why we doubt ourselves so much? Why do we place so much value on the opinions of other people?
Wanting to fit-in is a normal human impulse, it goes all the way back to tribal living in remote communities.
But we’ve reached a point where what others think or say about us is worth SO much more than anything we think about ourselves.
We’re constantly outsourcing our self-worth to other people’s opinions
Ooft, that’s full on. Feel free to take a stroll to the office kitchen and make another coffee while you ponder that.
Okay, now that you’re back - I bet you want to stop doing that.
Here’s the re-frame that helped me:
Other people’s perceptions of you are a reflection of them - not a definition of you.
And here’s the reminder:
Other people’s thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions are entirely their responsibility to manage. Not yours.
I hope that helps take the edge off.
And next time you find yourself overthinking about someone else’s reaction or what you think they think about you, visualise yourself handing all of that mess straight back to them. Because their opinions are theirs to manage, not yours.
🎧 If this hit a nerve (in a good way), I dive deeper into this topic on this week’s episode:
If this topic resonates with you, listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Worrying about what other people think might feel like a way to stay safe, accepted, or in control. But what it really does… is keep you small. And you weren’t made to live small.
You were made to live in alignment - with your truth, your values, and your goals.
Until next time, leave other people’s opinions where they belong, with them.
– Nat
PS If you’re currently worrying about what someone else thinks about you or something you’ve done, I want you to have this audio check-in to use in the moment when you feel yourself spiralling: [Access the Audio]
PPS When you’ve listened to the audio guide, hit reply to this email and let me know how it helped.
