“You’re a bit of a social chameleon”
I guess she was right.
Apparently, the main reason a chameleon changes its colours is to communicate effectively. I did the same. You get good at it working as a design consultant in the construction industry.
You learn pretty quickly that you need to adjust your communication style between the client, other consultants, the team on site and other stakeholders in order to get the outcomes you need.
And this skill has been beneficial in more ways than one, but I can’t help but think about the negative side too.
Because the other reason a chameleon changes colour - the one most people think of - is for self-protection.
For professionals in corporate environments, that looks like fitting in.
And I did plenty of that in my early career! I became a pro at filtering my personality and holding back what I really wanted to say just to make sure it was well-received by whoever was listening.
The thing about fitting in is that it makes you feel safe, like you’re part of the team.
But you’re never truly seen.
And showing up at work with a mask on every day? That’s exhausting!
Take it from me, if I had a dollar for every conversation I had about sport over the years (that I had zero interest in), I’d be flying first class.
And all that pretending drains your energy.
The problem?
We need to be all in to reach our full potential. Whatever success looks like for you right now, you can’t get there if your energy is constantly being siphoned off to maintain a version of you that isn’t fully true.
At some point in my professional journey, that changed.
I started talking about art shows, museum exhibits, fashion, restaurants, books, yoga, personal development – all the interesting things in my life.
So, what changed?
I stopped pretending and started bringing more of me into the room.
Now, there's a difference here.
There's a difference between tweaking your tone to suit the audience (which is effective communication)…and selling yourself out to keep everyone else comfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, you can absolutely be interested in other people’s passions. But, when you’re pretending you agree with everything they say and you’re holding back what you want to contribute, that’s when you know you’re selling yourself out.
It starts with this kind of simple stuff, which then builds your confidence and your ability to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself and share your unique ideas.
And when you start showing up as you, just a little more each day, you start building trust in yourself.
And that is the foundation for a career (and life) that actually feels like yours.
— Nat
PS Where in your life are you “colour-changing” to fit in? And what might shift if you showed up just 5% more you this week? Reply and tell me, I'd love to unpack this with you.
PPS If this resonates, you’ll love the episode I’ve recorded on authenticity — coming soon when Unwind Your Mind launches.
