“Who the hell does he think he is?” I thought to myself while rolling my eyes behind my dual screens. Here I was busy and working hard while he was strutting around the office, talking loudly. As he walked past my desk, my intense RBF (resting-bitch-face) proved most effective in warding off unnecessary chit-chat. Momentary success, but lasting judgement on my part “…I just can’t stand arrogant people, it doesn’t sit well with me…” I explained to a colleague as we walked to our usual coffee shop later that afternoon.
It was true, and remains true, that I find arrogance hard to tolerate.
But what I found out with my coach was that my judgment and frustration (aka trigger) was less about him and more about me.
This belief about arrogance had come from childhood and I’m grateful to my family for instilling a sense of humility within me, but the problem was my brain took it too far.
To my brain: confidence = arrogance.
So, any sign of confidence that started coming through me, I swiftly supressed for fear of being seen as arrogant – the thing I hated so much.
The result?
- Years of missed opportunities
- Never advocating for myself (even for simple things)
- Holding back even when I knew I had something valuable to say
What I needed?
- To reintroduce my confidence
My coach helped me realise that I could do this my way, it didn’t need to look like anyone else’s version of confidence. She asked “what would 10% of his confidence look like for you?”
She also helped me understand the widely-instagrammed quote: what we resist persists. Until I resolved this within me, I was always going to be triggered by hyper-confident people.
Spoiler: the trigger was the supressed part of me banging behind a locked door yelling “let me out already!”
So, what’s your trigger?
Have you recently had a strong emotional reaction to someone - and then thought “why did that bother me so much?”
🎧 If so, this week’s podcast episode is for you:
If this topic resonates with you, listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Remember - you’re not just the “nice one” or the “reliable one.”
You’re layered. Complex. Powerful.
And the parts of you you’ve been hiding?
They’re often the ones holding the key to your next breakthrough.
Until next time, stay curious, stay brave, and stay connected to all of who you are.
– Nat
PS I’ve put together a quick worksheet to help you reflect on this and take your own first step towards integration.
[Download the Integrate Your Parts Guide]
PPS Ever been triggered by someone’s confidence? Or ambition? Hit reply and tell me, I love hearing your stories.
