About seven years ago, I was sitting on my couch on a Saturday morning, scrolling through my phone trying to find something to do.
Brunch. A hike. A new project. Anything that would make the day feel “productive.”
The idea of having nothing planned made me uneasy. At the time, I didn’t realise it, but I wasn’t chasing enjoyment, I was chasing relief.
Relief from the discomfort that came with slowing down. Relief from the voice that said: you should be doing more.
Back then, my motivation was almost entirely extrinsic (it came from outside of me). From other people’s opinions and what I thought their expectations were.
I wanted to be seen as capable, reliable, hardworking and I thought the way to do that was to always go above and beyond.
It wasn’t just a work habit either, it became part of how I defined my worth.
150% effort to me felt like the minimum.
But here’s the catch: when motivation is driven by approval, validation or fear of falling short, it doesn’t create fulfilment, it creates constant stress broken up with very brief pockets of relief, until the next thing comes along and that relief evaporates.
You start to lose touch with what actually energises you, because everything becomes about meeting invisible expectations.
Shifting to intrinsic motivation, when our motivation comes from within us and aligns with what lights us up, isn’t about doing less.
It’s about choosing to invest our energy in what matters to us, because it aligns with our values, not because it earns us points on an invisible scoreboard.
And over time, that shift changes everything, how you work, what you say yes to, and what you finally give yourself permission to stop proving.
So as you move through this week, take a moment to check in:
- Are you driven by a need to prove, please or be recognised?
- Or are you motivated from a place of genuine alignment, doing what matters because it feels right?
Real fulfilment begins when your drive comes from within.
– Nat
PS If you feel like your motivation is tied to how others perceive your work, let’s have a chat. You can book a complimentary clarity call with me here: 👉Book your call
PPS This week’s podcast episode on Unwind Your Mind is a little different, I’m opening up about what I’m currently working on with my own coach. If you’ve ever wondered what a coach gets coaching for, have a listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts (links below).
